Anyway, it's giving me cause for comtemplation. You know, on the whole, life really is quite funny. It's a strange concept. One day you're alive, the next, you're dead. How does that work? I had a funny thing happen earlier in the week actually. I was sitting behind an industrial bin at work having a cigarette and listening to whatever it was I was listening to when, all of a sudden, a large wooden display stand, about 2 metres wide by 2 or 3 metres high, fell off a fork lift, flipped over the bin and landed about two feet to by left. If I had been under that, I may not be typing this little message, or at least, wouldn't be able to for some time. Maybe I could've dictated though. Anyway, I looked at this box thing and laughed out loud for, really, I found it to be quite amusing. There's been several times I've come close to being killed or seriously maimed at work. Each time, I've found myself wondering what would happen if I actually did die. It's quite strange actually, people have been having dreams about my death lately. Some, I have only known a couple of weeks. It's quite bizarre. Does it mean that I am about to shuffle off this mortal coil. Well, you know, it does happen... people do die eventually. We all gotta go sometime. Death phases me about as much as mild back pain, it's just a part of life. Lately, I have had many thoughts of death, some about bringing it about myself.... yeah.... stupid!!! What a waste. Mostly, there has been a strange feeling that there is not too much time left. I don't know why I am having this feeling but, it's there and I can't seem to put it aside. Anyway, I'm living most days to the fullest, some to the least and the occasional one as if it is my last. If I did die tomorrow, I would die reasonably happy. I have done a lot with my life and have only a few regrets. I never really had any of those but there have been a few things told to me lately and then there are things that I have done lately that are presently regretful.
I have always said that I want my funeral to be a happy occasion. If many turn up at all, I want there to be much joy and laughter (at my expense is quite ok too). I want Monty Python songs, sparklers, those streamer things, bubbles, cake, ice cream, fairy floss and a jumping castle for the kids. There is nothing worse than a sombre affair, especially for someone such as myself who just loves life, why would I not also love it's antithesis. A good friend had a dream that she organised my funeral and made sure that everybody was happy. One of my girls dreamt that I was hurt and keeps telling me to be careful, especially when I go to work. A guy at work had a dream that I fell off a ladder and under a fork-lift (hehe, that just about happened a week ago..... the fork lift had just passed by before I fell, and I didn't fall that far). There's been a couple others but only one actually showed how I died. I keep dreaming that I am involved in a car accident or drowning incident. Dreams are fun aren't they? I wish I could remember them better than I do. Well, technically, I guess that dreaming about my own death could be considered a nightmare. I don't know, I thought nightmares are generally meant to be scary. For other people dreaming about my death I suppose it could be either a dream or a nightmare depending on their opinions of me, hehe.
Well, in the case that something does happen to me, I want all my friends and loved ones to know that they are my friends and loved ones. They know who they are and I hope they know how much they all mean to me without having to find out posthumously. Everything I own goes to my girls, except Nirvana's "Hoarmoaning" CD EP, as that was promised (in all seriousness) years ago :) .
And, just in case... if I even hear one bar of that god-forsaken "Funeral March" (pretty as it is) I will haunt whoever is responsible. God, I'm hard enough to deal with in life, how would I be afterwards. Oh, and if there's a way to hook up a stereo in my casket, let it be so.
And, scrap the whole "earth to earth, dust to dust, ashes to ashes" thing too. Let's rewrite that for the 21st century please! I'm not going to, but someone should.
"Death is only the end of something that should have been done so much better".- Me
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