Things...

So much crap on my mind right now...
Worrying about things I can't change.
Wishing I could change things that are beyond impossible to change.
Wanting to make up for the mess I've made of other things.
Things, things, things...
I'm being vague.
I do vague really well.
No one really wants to hear full explanations.
The ones that do, are rare.
Vague also incapacitates any need to offer up complete explanations. It's a mechanism. Not a control mechanism and not a defence mechanism. Just a way to keep on keeping on.
For most of my life others have always thought that I really had it together.
They may have been right, mostly, but illusion is greater than the reality lately.
In many ways the last year has been the best, hardest, happiest, healthiest and most self-destructive period of my life.
I don't think anyone has really noticed but, I'm not out to make anyone notice. No one will really see this, let alone take the time to read it which is why it's here at all.
I don't have any real regrets. That being said there are things I would change, given the chance.
There is only one thing I would change right now, this minute, today...and that is the way my thoughts have taken a dive into the realm of negativity. Negativity generally serves no purpose, it has no point. It's the self perpetuating mindset of the defeatist. It's also a demon, of sorts, that possesses the mind and does not let go for fear of its own being coming into non existence. This is where it breathes, lives, conquers and dies with its host.

Well, not this duck! I may be down but I sure as hell am not out!