Hi, you can call me Taliesyn. I am 30, I have two beautiful little girls whom I love more than anything in the world. I am also in love with the most amazing woman I have ever known. Her smile brightens each and every day of my life. Listening to her talk is something that I love as though I was listening to the most beautiful music one can find. She talks a lot :) so, I guess I'm lucky. I call her Grey when speaking of her on my blog. Others know her by another name. She is my life, she is my world. Us and our children were the happiest people I knew. Do you ever watch people going down the street and just suddenly realise how lucky you are. I do. I used to. Things aren't the same anymore. Things have changed, and they really shouldn't have.
There is much I want to say to her, things that I can not apologise enough for, feelings that have not changed since the day we got togehter. Now, as you know, we are not together. The most heartbreaking pain that I have ever experienced. Actual, physical pain, not just emotional. I only ever wanted her to be happy. I thought I could do that for longer than I did. I hoped I could. I tried.
When I was having personal troubles of my own, I couldn't be there for her as I had been. It was also that there was not terribly much I could do but be there. I still do things for her of course because that is the nature of love. Love is the most powerful emotion we know. It can make people happier than they have ever been in their lives, or it can destroy their very soul. It can bring people together and it can drive them apart.
Soul-mates is too light a term to use when wpeaking about Grey and I. We are so much more. We connected on every level and while there may have been a period of being too much in each others pockets, it was starting to wane and settle down. We were very rarely apart, we just wanted to be around each other and those are days that I will remember always.
I believe that our love is so strong that it may even return on her part and all the things that should never have happened will be righted. I am trying. I do not want her to feel forced by anything I say or do because that would not be fair to her. Her happiness, as always, comes first. That's just the way I am and with her, it's my happiness that has always come first. Now, she needs to do things for herself, whatever that maybe, I will stand by her and give her all the support I can. If she finds someone else someday, I hope he can treat her even half as well as she said I did. I don't know about myself and frankly, it doesn't really matter. I know I wont find anyone who completes me so well, completely. That's just the way it is. I have complete faith and belief in her... whatever she needs and wants. That's not me just now but, I also have complete and utter belief in my convictions that there is hope for us, someday, somewhere.
She's only lost me. I've lost her and another daughter to the misery that break-ups create. There will be no more family for me. No one that I can walk to school, do homework with, read to, sing lullabies to or well, just be there when they come home from school. I'll always be available by phone or internet or whatever but, that's not the point. I know what love is and I have lost too much.
Believe it or not, I am actually quite happy while I write this. It's all to do with the hope that I have. It is unshakeable as I have said before. It is amazing. It will be with me for a long time to come, of that I am sure.
Well, that's enough for now. I apologise for all that I have caused, all that I have destroyed and all that I may not be able to repair. I apologise to the two little girls who have to wait to see me. They are the ones who have suffered because of my mistakes. They are the ones who will grow up to ask ME why? Well, all I can do is be honest and open with them. They will no the truth... all of it. They deserve that.
Bye for now :)
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