Please explain?

Well, it's been a strange run for me lately and although I have an unnatural level of self-confidence I don't understand why the opposite sex is interested in me at all. It is unexplainable. I don't consider myself anything special and the recent events have just gone to make that point clearer although, I feel better about myself than I have in possibly, well, as long as I can remember.
There are two I can think of that have 'wanted' me for years. One (who is now married) came out and admitted that fact. The other never will but according to everyone still carries some sort of flame for me. She once told me that if we weren't married at 30 then we should just marry each other. I seem to remember smiling and staying very, very quiet.
I have never really had any trouble finding romantic interludes and encounters. There have been times of course, in fact, I recall being in love with someone who had no idea and never would have if it were not for the fact that she surprisingly broke up with her boyfriend. That's only ever happened once to that degree and we did get together and were for about two and a half years. We have a wonderful little girl and after some understandable bitterness and hurt, are becoming to finally consider each other friends again.
When I met her I had been working away for four months or so. I came and went working away for just over a year, travelling around the countryside as a salesman. If there are any budding sociologists out there, find yourself a job that involves a lot of travel to small country towns and large cities and then you will have a fully paid thesis well on the way to completing one's doctorate. I was once sitting in a pub in a small town called Nanango, drinking happily and pumpong about $20 into the jukebox. I got to talking to an elderly couple and by the end of the evening, they had invited me to join them on a trip around Australia in their new campervan. Another time, whilst crossing an overpass over the trainline at Maitland (I think) I found a scruffy man eating pizza on the bottom step. It was just after midnight and I was feeling a little seedy so an invitation to join him for a slice or two was too tempting to refuse. We got to talking about the world and all it's trappings. After a while he told me that he was once a hired gun, a hit-man, who worked mainly around Sydney and Melbourne and that he had dumped about 12 bodies over the border in Queensland. This fascinated me and we talked until about 4am. I just happened to have a half bottle of Cointreau in my coat pocket :) (those were the days) and so we polished that off and then said our farewells. I would love to do that all again someday, just travel around and talk to people. It provides more insight into ourselves than any book or TV show and even if people lie the arses off, it's still interesting.
During this year that I was away I drank more than I ever had before or since and I can't see myself ever drinking that much again. The first night I arrived at my first port of call (Townsville) I met my crew and we started drinking. We drank five four-litre casks of wine between the six of us. Cask wine is a peculiarity of the world of alcohol. It takes a drink that has a somewhat sophisticated air about it and reduces it to something that you would hesitate mentioning in polite society. I should find out more about cask wine. It appears to me that either it is made from the grapes that John West would definatley reject (if he had a vested interest in wine-making) or it is made from grapes that are just grown to be crap anyway. Perhaps even, it is not made from grapes at all, but I do not want to go there. Anyway, the rest of the year was spent avoiding cask wine and instead drinking Cointreau, Glennfiddich, Dimple, Glen Livet, Lang's, Kahlua, Stolichniya Vodka, Bailey's, Sheridan's, Moet et Chandon and several others. I was never much of a drinker really so I guess I put most of my efforts into one year.
Wherever I went, I always got attention from ze vimen (written phonteically of course), because I like to woo ze vooman. Hee hee hee. Strange things was that there wasn't much need for me to do anything very wooing. It would just happen. I recall several times that I was literally pulled into a house, motel room, caravan or respective room thereof. There are some intersesting stories to tell and I have only ever revealed a few of them. I have no regrets but I'm not terribly proud of that year. They were my days as a slut (I think that should be a unisexual term as 'stud' had different connotations).
There was one time, Byron Bay, new year's eve 1997, when I stepped in front of a guy who was bugging his girlfriend (although I have never been sure of that) and told him to back off and leave her alone. He refused and I ended up punching him (during this time was also the last time that I have ever got myself into physical fights). He reeled back and fell over, after which she asked me matter-of-factly, "so, do you wanna fuck?". Well, what could I say, the beaches in Byron are beautiful at night ;) . Further south in Camden Haven (or perhaps Laurieton) I met a girl who insisted that I "throw her around like a doll". Afterwards, she left the room, came back and introduced her sister and promptly left again. Suffice to say, her sister was a much gentler type. The closest thing to a relationship during that time began when, after demonstrating my product, she demonstrated hers... so to speak. She had a wonderful six year old daughter that thought the world of me. I was only an short breath away from quitting my job and moving to the Sunshine Coast but, decided to keep working and move at a more opportune time. While I was away, she found someone else. Que sera, sera. Hey, these things happen, no hard feelings.
There was a mother-daughter team once which was, well, a little odd, especially when they mostly complained about each other. One time, this stunning 22 year old brunette called her friend two streets over to say that I may knock on her door later that evening. That was a most surprising evening indeed. Only once was the door answered by someone completely naked, almost as if she knew I were coming, hehe. Strange little world we live in.
Anyway, there are many other sordid (these are quite tame) tales from those days. Some will remain hidden until I am ready to tell them. Really, I see no point though. A couple I have mentioned above I am sure have never been spoken of before. I am quite a secretive and private person when it comes to such things.
What I am getting at is, what did they see in me anyway? Surely they couldn't all have been desperate and me just in the right place at the right time (or the opposite on some occasions). Who knows? One thing that amuses me no end is that I have been told by several people that I have only gotten better looking with age. Comparing old and recent photos can only confirm this. Looking back on the past two months since Grey told me we were through there have been some strange occurences. Strange only because I do not understand.
Within a fortnight I was approached by a girl at work on behalf of a friend who had seen me at the store the previous Saturday. I was also the focus of a group of at least three people as a possible candidate for a co-worker.
Since working at a different store I have been chased around by a drooling, hormone-drunk 18 year old who, of her own volition, found a place for us behind a nearby service station. Now, there is a 30 year old, hot, South African woman being not-so-subtle in what she tells me. She overheard me talking about what I had done with my girls on the weekend and how important they are to me (not a surprising topic for me, in fact, quite a common one). To this she said "and THAT is why I should be with you!". My only response was "well, why the hell aren't you then?" Cheeky bugger that I am. All she said then was "Lunch? Monday? We'll talk". How can I resist an approack like that. I have always loved assertiveness, it's a good quality. Lunch went well that day and so have the others since, that's all I'm saying about that for now.
Anyway, today (the reason for this entry tonight) I was working in an aisle and noticed a rep in a yellow top working a few metres down from me. Just before lunch, my boss asked me if I could meet her in another section half an hour later. "Oooh, a secret rendezvous with a pretty rep..... no problem at all mate". He smiled and said that she had seen me working earlier and requested that I be the one to assist her. Anyway, I spent the whole afternoon with her helping to arrange her products and set up floor displays. At one point, while I was up a ladder passing stock down to her she looked up at me and said, "you know something?". "What's that?" I replied. She just looked at me with these god damned incredible eyes and said bluntly, "I'd do you right here and now if it weren't for the fact that I'm married". I passed the box to her and asked, "so, what's stopping you? The fact that you're married or that we are standing in the middle of the leisure section?". We carried on as if nothing were ever said but she seemed content, probably for the fact that she now knew if she asked at a more opportune moment, I would not say no. What is it with me and forward women? Hehe. Not that all of them have been. I wouldn't say Grey was terribly forward but, moreso than I, I suppose. Actually, the thing about forward women is that it sometimes takes me being hit by a brick or heavy, blunt object to notice that I'm being noticed. I never really have understood the reasons so, I guess I don't really see the signs sometimes. I should also mention that the store I am currently working at seems to create some form of hormone imbalance. Once stepping inside the store it's almost as if everyone degrades into some lustful teenager. Nothing wrong with that I guess but it doesn't help work procede at the scheduled pace.
Anyway, I'm not particuarly interested in anything but being me. I really like being me, and I really like my life. I always have. The good, the bad, it's all chalked up to experience really and sometimes it makes for a good song or story so, how can I complain. On one of my sites there was a line that I had to finish, telling a little about myself. The one I'll mention here is 'If I could be anywhere right now it is...' and my response was 'right where I am, funnily enough. Actually, I am always where I am most happiest, otherewise there's no point being anywhere'. Whatever happens will happen all in good time. I am an extremely patient person most of the time :) . There will be a time for Grey and I again, of that I am sure. We meant (mean) to much to each other for there not to be. I know that things have happened that need much healing, again, it's all about time, I'm not going anywhere, not just yet anyway.